Thursday, February 11, 2010

Decisions decisions...

I received a call this afternoon that my kids' school is going to be closed tomorrow.  They are having heating issues, and must close the school until repairs are made.

This past month, Peter has had 3 appointments, Rebekah has had 2 and I've had 1.  That is all in 1 month.  All of them were scheduled except for 1 (Peter's first breathing issue).  William has helped out when he could.  On top of this, we have had two snow days.  This is all I can recall at the top of my head.  And as you can see, it is a lot.

So as a working mom, I've begun to feel the working mom guilt.  Am I doing my job justice?  And today, for the first time in a very long time, I begun wondering if life would be easier if I didn't work. 

I gave this a great deal of thought at the time.  I decided that ultimately it is best for my family for me to work.  There are lots of reasons for this, none of which I could properly explain.  I admire those that do.  I admire those that don't.  I admire the women who are happy with their choice because sometimes making the choice is a difficult thing to do. 

Today, on my way home as I was thinking about work, all the appointments, and the stress it has caused me, I wondered if it was worth it.  Is it worth working?

I think everyone has these moments, no matter which choice they make in their life.  Is the grass greener on the other side?  In my case I'm certain it isn't.  Sometimes, it just seems that way.  I think everyone second guesses major decisions in their life at least once.  So today my prayer is that God will help me find peace with my grass and help remind me all the great things about my pasture.

And tomorrow...well tomorrow I will again balance the difficult task of a good employee and a good mom simultaneously.  I'll be thankful I have a great job that allows me to take on this difficult task.  It'll be a messy chaotic day, but it will be accomplished.  


Janette said...

I think it's wonderful that because you do feel like you have/want to work -- that you have a job that is flexible and allows for you to be at the kids' parties if you want to be or work from home on the days when you need to be home, etc!

As a stay at home mom, I can tell you that sure things are rough financially at times, but we push through and deal with it because we feel this is where I'm to be. The kids need me and want me involved in their schools -- and I have to admit, I very much LOVE being in the building every day! There are days when I just drop them off and don't have any need to go inside the building and I have an "empty" feeling lol!

I, too, admire working parents who have to juggle their jobs...on top of all that I know I have to juggle (homework, laundry, housework, bills, school functions, etc) and I honestly have no clue how they do it!

Good luck in your decisions -- I know it's not easy...but I do think if you were to decide to stay home, you'd find you'd feel abundantly blessed to be as involved as you chose to be in your kids' schooling (since R is nearing school age). Who would have thought volunteering in the boys' classroom would be so much fun for me? I didn't know what I was missing while I was working Logan's first 2 years of school. Then, once Caleb started school, I quit the daycare and just focused on the boys and their activities. I've never regretted it a day! :)

Miriam said...

Oh - there is not really a new decision in my near future. If anything changed - I'd LOVE to work part time. But that isn't going to happen anytime soon (and certainly not before we are debt free). :-)