Our pastor has been talking about witnessing. This week he talked about the Holy Spirit. He used Acts 1 and 2. I'm not going to go into all what he talked about, because it really is irrelevant. For me, it happened to be one of those services where the pastor was talking about ONE thing and God was talking to me about something completely different. ;-) At the end he gave an alter call for those that might like to receive the Holy Spirit.
The interesting thing is that my church does not give alter calls regularly. In the 5 years I've gone, there have been maybe a handful of them. So - they are pretty rare.
And this is what was going through my head...first, I had Ruth and she was sleeping. So I automatically discounted myself in even thinking about going. But...my little brain just kept going. The pastor had some things put up on the screen to go through before deciding on coming down to the alter. I don't remember all what was up there, but the thing that stuck out to me was about God's good gifts and a desire for more of God. AND a story rung in my head of someone our Pastor once knew who went down to every single alter call because he didn't want to miss anything...ever. That story wasn't told in this particular service, but it changed the way I thought about alter calls. So between the two I had a small desire to go.
And not because I felt I needed to receive the Holy Spirit. That happened for me in Jr. High while I lived in Az. I already knew I was a spirit-filled Christian.
I sat there and thought of all the reasons I shouldn't go. I thought about how to "go" without going (i.e. could I simply chat with him after church? Or couldn't God simply do His work on me here in my seat?). They really all appeared to be excuses - because for some reason God was nudging me forward.
I hesitated, looking at the sleeping baby in my arms. I didn't want to be a disruption for those that were already up there. I didn't want to hand her to William because a) he was sleeping (in his defense, I believe his blood sugar was way too high...if you've ever had that issue a side effect is the inability to hold your eyes open!) and b) Ruth had a really long napless day the day before. I didn't want to wake her. You know...more excuses.
And before I knew it...I was halfway down the isle. I gently knelt down, peeked a moment at Ruth sleeping soundly, and began to pray. I simply told God I wanted more of Him - whatever that may be. I wanted His gifts, His will. I wanted Him to take over anywhere left in my life that might be empty of Him. I just wanted HIM. And I simply sat at His feet. It was so peaceful.
There is another interesting aspect to this. A week or two ago I was driving to work thinking about those sweet quirky people who will talk about God in such a gentle manner. They will chide you or encourage you, sometimes both and it never bothers you. You welcome it. I was thinking about how I wanted to be one of those people. And God asked me why I couldn't be. I replied that I simply wasn't one of them. He again asked why? I didn't have a really good answer.
He went on to talk to me about His plans for my life. He reminded me He still has those plans. He didn't want me to forget about them or dismiss them as lost. Even if I'm 90 years old...he still has plans for me and it is never too late.
Of course I don't want to wait until I'm 90.
So I've been wondering what is next for me. I still don't know. It seems each year I have a different challenge. So far, this has been the year of trimming...and maybe it will be a quiet year...of trimming. Seems kind of boring but I could be wrong. Usually God isn't boring! So it is more likely I simply don't know yet.
The two were related somehow. God likes to set things up sometimes...and then at some point you sort of go "A HA! I see now!" I'm still in the phase of puzzlement.
The service was sweet and I was so happy I went down there...if for nothing else to sit at the feet of my Lord. Having Ruth with me somehow made it more special. It is an indescribable moment. A tender moment.
A few "small" things happened that most would discount as coincidence that I call miracle. First - my feet didn't fall asleep. I was sitting on them. They always fall asleep when I sit on them. It doesn't take long for it to happen either. It was the easiest way for me to kneel down while holding Ruth - otherwise I wouldn't have done it. It is kind of awkward when you go to get up and you stumble around because your feet area asleep.
Second - Ruth remained asleep the entire time. And she woke up when we were all done. :-) So there was no disturbance! This was especially neat, because my pastor talked about how God is a gentleman and doesn't embarrass you
I am beginning to get a heart for people who do not know God. I know it is strange that I don't - but I'll be the first to tell you that I simply do not have a heart for people in general. The heart I do have comes completely from God himself. When you are in Him following His will for your life...things God cares about rubs off on you.
And I guess He apparently cares for His children who are lost. ;-) It ought to be a no brainer. He has a ton of verses on this very subject.
So God does have something in the works. I believe it is something related to His hearts desire to bring in those that don't know Him. AND I'm looking forward to see what He is brewing up for me in His plans. I'm excited to be part of God's plans.
Two years ago my faith walk was more along the lines of me walking a path that I wanted to walk, bringing God with me.
Now my walk is my life walk - going where He directs me.
Two years ago I thought I knew what would make me happy. Now I know that I don't...because I have been so much happier since we have moved and made all these large life altering changes...all in the name of obedience.
I'm like a kid before Christmas to see what is next...