Friday, November 30, 2012

I miss running

The last time I ran was Jun 30th, and I remember the run so clearly.  It was my 4th run, mid summer and I was able to get out there at 5:30 and it be daylight.  I ran 4 miles with ease.  Knowing I was taking a break the next week due to all the traveling that would be happening, I had squeezed in 4 runs during the weekday.  I thought perhaps I could even continue the trend.

I went to Denver, then on a short lake trip followed by a trip to OK to visit the ILs.  But I was already looking forward to picking up the following week.

That travel week I was pretty darn tired.  But I wasn't surprised.  It was a jam packed week full of (mostly) fun.  So the exhaustion was really not surprising. And the following week didn't prove to be slower - we had VBS.  VBS is always a fun time - but certainly rest and relaxation isn't really part of the experience.

I didn't pick up running that VBS week as I intended. I felt like I was catching up on sleep anyway and so going out and spending more of it to run just didn't seem wise.

The following week I was sick.  Sick sick sick.  And the sickness remained until early August - but didn't really fully go away until the beginning of September.

During July I did attempt to at least keep up with the exercise classes I was taking at work.  After nearly puking during one session though, I decided to take a bit of time off until my illness went away.  Things got so bad that I would get motion sick while I was walking.  Getting to work in the mornings (I frequently carpooled - and infrequently drove) was also quite the trip.  I'd spend the first hour or so after I arrived trying to gather myself so I wouldn't feel so bad.

I had a million excuses between then and now - the biggest one being I felt a tiny pull at my heart that I ought to just relax.

My blood sugars are doing awesome.  I did have a bit of trouble over Thanksgiving - but I'm certain the 3 slices of pie I ate that day and poor eating habits that followed on the next two days were of course to blame.  Now that I'm back on my normal diet, my blood sugar has returned to normal.  If I were exercising, it would be easy to say "Sure God healed me - but I'm exercising.  Of course that is a factor."  While I do believe God heals through many means (medicine, healthy living, miraculous unexplainable means) - sometimes he chooses the miraculous.

Several months ago a man in our church who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given 6 months to live - 1.5 years ago - stood up and talked about how he felt he had 'lost' his healing.  Some family members prayed and realized it wasn't possible.  The healing was a gift.

This resonated with me.  I felt like I it was possible for me to lose mine as well.  But God has also healed me.  It is finished.  While I can't (and shouldn't) go crazy - I can say that eating a piece of pumpkin pie after a healthy dinner is completely OK for me.  God has healed me and that is all there is too it.  It is unarguable.

I'm looking forward to picking up running again - after this baby is born. :)

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