Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A little Miriam insight

I don't typically post too much about myself...ok...about the inner-workings-of-Miriam.  (I noticed nearly every post was running related over the last year...oops.)

But William and I had this conversation last week and I think it is pretty reflective of me.

Me: You know, I think it is awesome how God has built our family. It has been almost 14 years and I'm not tired of you yet. And I haven't gotten tired of the kids either. In fact, I *like* spending time with all of you.

William: Yeah that is a miracle, especially considering your limit of virtually everyone else in the world is right right around 2 hrs.

I've been a bit reflective after watching Christmas Vacation.  I hadn't realized that it started Dec 15th.  I know - I should have known.  I haven't seen it nearly as many times as William has (his favorite Christmas movie) and I certainly can't quote it like he can.  (But green jello molds and odd gifts do remind me of Aunt Clara - or whatever her name is...can't help it.)  

Since these people all arrived on Dec 15th and stayed until after Christmas...I started picturing myself in this situation.  And I sort of freaked out a little.  It didn't help that I continued to ponder this while my ILs were visiting and I just kept picture them arriving Dec 15th and then STAYING.

DISCLAIMER: They are nice people by the way.  So it really is nothing against them...just annoyances of house guests.  And they stay with me and annoy...errr...I mean I am familiar with them enough to know exactly their quirks and what would drive me out of my skin if they were to ever decide to stay in my house for that long of a period.  So it is a good example!

Some people I can tolerate longer than others, but a house guest is like fish...they spoil very quickly.  

(After all the traveling I did, I tried to be cognizant of this fact during my stays over the past year as well.)

So anyway - that was pretty much the thought that went into that before the comment came out of my mouth. 

Well that and I've been thinking about how I have a place and fit perfectly into my family too.  I always felt out of place growing up.  I didn't really every feel like I I was a guest there.  I'm not sure why, but for the longest time I wanted to wear glasses because I thought it would help me fit in better.  It wasn't until I got into high school that I became OK with me being different and even embraced it.

But now?  I fit.  My family wouldn't be the same without me.  And it is so strange to me to think that I have a place.  I belong!  Weird - I know.

Anyway - so after William's comment I got to thinking about how true it really was.  I actually thought I'd never get married because I couldn't really stand the thought of having to spend so much time with any one person.  And I couldn't imagine doing that for years.  

For one, I've never really had friends that have lasted years.  (The only friendship that rivals William are that of two of my good high school friends...and I can't really explain to you why we have kept in touch and still hang out.  We just do.  First ever for me really.)  People float into my life then float out.  It is how it is has always been.  

For two, I would have spells where I just wanted to be alone.  A book.  Me.  Whatever.  In Corpus I spent about 6 weeks hiding in the library because I simply didn't want to be around anyone.  (It was safe there - the crowd I hung with never went to the library. LOL)  It was during that time that I really felt I'd never get married.

But here I am...married.  For (almost) 14 years even.  Happily married and I'm certainly not tired of William.  And my kids?  I'm definitely not tired of them either.  

I'm not a social person.  I don't make friends easily.  And while I can tolerate (nearly) any person for a short amount of time - it does take a special person to tolerate them for longer!  And since I do know this about myself, I also know cope.

Books and hiding in my bedroom are two popular mechanisms I employ.

This is just another great example of my plans versus God's plans.  My plans included me, myself and I...and not much more really.  God's plans obviously include a husband and (almost) 4 kids.  That is a huge difference.  I'm pretty thankful for His plans too - because I just can't imagine my life any other way. 

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