Probably the thing I have struggled with the most is my weight this time around. I have gained more than I have ever gained for any of the other pregnancies. My doctor seems to think it is normal...from my perspective though, it is pretty shocking.
I'm trying really hard to not stress or obsess about it. My eating habits haven't changed drastically really. (If we compare pregnancy to pregnancy - I've probably eaten more than normal. But I haven't eaten more than I normally do for my non-pregnant self.) And God has been teaching me exactly how instrumental He has been in my weightloss so far.
When you put all the hard work into exercising and eating right, it is pretty easy to say "I'm working pretty hard! Look at what I have done!" But the fact is that for some reason, time time around God has not protected me from various temptations. And truth be told, normally I'm pretty good at passing them up. Cake? Actually, that is usually an easy one for me to pass up. Chocolate? Well...yeah. Ice cream? Now there is a stretch...I have a soft spot (and always have) for ice cream.
I was just telling someone at church yesterday that the only 'weird' craving I've had is cake. For me, it is weird. Sitting around going "Man, I wish I had a piece of cake" is simply not normal.
The thing I'm learning is that God changed my eating habits. I didn't. God changed my exercising habits. I didn't. I just provided a willing heart. He helped me get the things done I needed to in order to lose weight. And He has repeatedly told me that once this baby is born He will again help me lose this baby weight - along with the rest of the weight I had to lose before I considered myself done. I must leave these things in His hands.
I've questioned why I'm even having to go down this road, and besides being taught the "I am nothing" lesson (which is important), I am also being shown that I truly am healed from Gestational Diabetes. With Ruth, I had to eat right. And I mean right! But my blood sugar will stay in check! With this baby, I can have a piece of cake. It's ok. I can't have 4 pieces of cake...that isn't OK...but 1 will not hurt me one bit. (But honestly - no one should be eating 4 pieces of cake!)
The last lesson I'm learning I believe is for my future - and that is about moderation. I can be pretty extreme. My perspective in life is very black and white. I don't see too many shades of grey. So learning how to eat one piece of cake and be ok is actually something I should learn so I can teach my kids. It is part of eating healthy. Understanding your overall calorie intake, understanding what is ok in the moment comparatively with what you have eaten all day...these are things I need to understand. Understanding how to eat just 1 piece of cake is an important skill as well.
In the meantime, I must close my eyes, take a deep breath and believe God has His best for me. I need to focus on this new baby that is about to join our family and not obsess over the future of my exercise plans (will I still like running? how hard is it going to be to return?), how difficult it will be to lose weight, or even how much extra weight I will end up having to lose (on top of what was already necessary). God helped me once. He is faithful. We will do it together again.
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