I'm participating in my first ever Bible study. I don't know whether to say "HOORAY!" or "WOW, that's sad!". Anyway, this is a Priscilla Shirer Bible study called "One in a Million". It has been fairly interesting, and from some of the comments from the women, is a good one to get my feet wet on.
It struck me as funny because a lady sitting next to me said "Isn't it funny how God is telling us to step out of our Fear? Pastor talked about it on Sunday...and here we are talking about again..." Isn't it funny how God can take one message and speak to multiple people's hearts? He isn't talking to me about stepping out of my fear. He is talking to me about being silent!
Specifically - right now I am working on being silent about certain things. A small example...my lovely mother in law had a very odd reaction to our news. She walked over, gave me a hug and exclaimed "Congratulations to me!". Those words exactly. To me. She retracted later - after getting a good look on my face. And honestly, she says crazy things all the time, so letting it go isn't a huge deal. BUT - William sees nothing wrong with her reaction. THAT bothers me. I know why. I know exactly why, and I won't bore with details. And it has been SO HARD for me to NOT follow him around and pester him with it until he sees my viewpoint and completely and utterly agrees with it.
But I've received a different directive. And that directive is simply to be silent about it. BE SILENT! SHUT UP! STAND OUT OF THE WAY AND LET GOD HANDLE IT! What? Can He do that?
Here is the thing that is probably most difficult for me to swallow. I know God will handle it...I know He will. But - I don't know that He will handle it in a manner that suits me. ;-) It is sorta like when your sibling does something to wrong you - and you are waiting for your parents to exact revenge for you. But then, they don't. In your opinion, your sibling gets off too easy. It is sorta like that. And how bratty is that?
I'm still learning this lesson. I'm still practicing shutting up...those who know me very well will understand that I have a rather large mouth. Especially when it comes to justice-type issues. SO instead of following William around yakking in his year, every time it bothers me, I yak at God. ;-) As this Bible study pointed out - God doesn't mind us talking to Him, questioning Him. He's very patient with us, as long as we are obedient. It is still so very very hard. And I can't tell you the lesson I'm learning yet (other than being silent), because I'm in the middle of it. If I get it figured out I'll be sure to let ya know.