Paul at 6 wks

I've been pretty horrible at taking pictures.  This time has been a bit difficult for me.

For me, I've had a little trouble getting motivated to do anything.  Paul likes to be held...a lot.  So it seems so much simpler to sit around and hold him.  But then I look at all the things not done and I feel unaccomplished.  So a viscous cycle really. A wise friend told me I'm being too hard on myself.  I've taken this to heart and have been working to get over the hump.

There is something else that has been helping.  I frequently lament that Paul is no where near as easy as Ruth.  Ruth was happy to hang out.  I'd set her down in her crib or on her little toy playmat thingy and she would be perfectly happy to sit for long periods of time.  This does not describe Paul at all.  He will barely stay in the swing let alone the crib.  When he is awake he likes to look around.  So when I lament, William is always quick to tell me that while Ruth may have been easy, Peter has prepared me.

I kept wondering what this had to do with anything - so it has taken a few weeks to really sink in.  I am prepared for a needier baby.  I know what it is like and I can look back on the experience to fully understand what I need to do differently.  So I've been working hard to bring up all those memories that I've buried.  (Most of Peter's baby memories aren't happy ones...so I honestly have forgotten much of it.)

Here are some of the things I do remember though.

I remember feeling helpless on the couch as I was forever nursing gigantababy Peter.  So I've worked to make sure my needs are met before I sit down to nurse Paul.  (He does love to nurse. :) )  I've got a book, I've got the remotes, I've got a glass of water, I've moved my phone charger (because it doesn't hold a charge for crap) next to my sitting spot.  I'm all set.  And if I need something, I have come to realize it is OK for Paul to cry for the 5 minutes it takes to make sure I'm settled.  Happy mamma makes a sane mamma.

I remember feeling like I could never set Peter down.  I've got my Moby wrap.  I use it a lot.  (I actually used this all the time with Ruth.  I bought it because of Peter actually. :-) )  Ruth loved it and Paul is no different.  He snuggled right down in there and hangs out.  The only time he isn't happy in there is if he is hungry (which is frequent) or if he is awake.  He really likes to physically crane his head and look around.  And in the wrap, he will push himself out to get a peek at the world.  Crazy baby.

One last thing I struggled with when Peter was a baby was bedtime.  Peter would scream while I put Rebekah to bed and frankly, it fried my nerves.  (I'm sure moms understand...when your baby is crying your ears focus in on that and it becomes all consuming.  It is hard to concentrate on anything else and your body physically tenses up with stress until it is taken care of.  Ok - at least it does for me.)  So we've been tweaking bedtime routines to make them cry-free.  We tried just leaving him in the swing while we put the other kids to bed, but more screaming was being done than anything else. I tried taking Paul in with me while I put Ruth to bed, but she didn't really care for that.  Since she is still young, I don't want her to think her mommy time is taken away.  Bedtime is one of the few times she has with us that is all to herself. So now Paul goes with whomever is putting the big kids to bed.  They happen to love the idea of Paul "putting them to bed".  So I think this is working for us.

I've also realized that my plans are pretty useless.  So I cut myself slack...at least I try. Yesterday, for example, I intended to go to Sam's.  However, Paul was super fussy all morning long.  I felt stressed about the entire thing because of my intention to go to Sam's. Taking a baby out in public that is crying on and off just did not sound appealing.  I finally decided I wouldn't go and it would be OK - I was fine attending to Paul and his fussy butt.  It was annoying that I couldn't even pee without listening to him scream, but some days are like that.  At least I didn't have to take a screaming baby out!

As far as Paul goes, he's doing all those things that babies should be doing.  He's pooping well, eating, sleeping and spending his time looking absolutely adorable.  Just last night he was giggling in his sleep.  How crazy is that?  He has also smiled quite a few times while he was awake.  And one very memorable time, I was talking to him and he did one of his huge grins.

It is a good thing God made babies cute.

Paul is also holding up his head really well.  He can hold it up and look both ways.  In fact, he likes to hold it up, push on you (while you are holding him) and look around.  Since he isn't a fan of being put down, I haven't really put him down for floor time much.  I tried once and it lasted like 37 seconds. :-)

And with all that said - I'm being beckoned.  This has taken me 3 days to write, so I think we'll call it done. :)

Oh...and HAPPY EASTER!  Thank goodness JESUS IS RISEN!