I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. - Matthew 17:20 (NIV)
The mustard seed is about 1 mm in size. It grows to be a larger plant, even tree like. In my quick 10 minute search I couldn't find what size it grows too - but growing up I was always told it was a smaller seed that grew into a larger plant. The proportions were very drastic.
This is what some people call a "life verse"...a verse that just sort of follows you around and regularly encourages you. This is one I've starred at for as long as I can remember. It is one I pull out to remind myself that if we hang ourselves out there, God doesn't let us down.
Lately, my personal faith has been stretched. As you recall, God made me a promise. And He even reminded me of that promise. And here we are a month later...and I again was freaked out.
If you said "Miriam, everything will be alright." I would have replied "Well of COURSE it will be!" and then gone on to count all the ways I should worry. One of my worries were some low numbers I was seeing. I was also concerned she'd want to start following my OB's schedule (as she had mentioned before). He is beginning to see me weekly, starting next week. I don't want to go see her so often - no offense. But it didn't seem like a good use of my time to go see her so often for her to tell me "You're a model patient". Oye. Especially when their office is so unorganized.
I mentioned this to my friend on Sunday, and of course she has been praying for me...as well as a few others.
This morning I got up and prayed over the appointment. I was still pretty nervous.
When I got into my car, songs played that only reminded me of how big God is and how small I am. I hear many of them regularly, but can't tell you the names or even singers. :-P (I'm terrible in music!) I walked into the appointment and went through all the spiels. I had a trace of keytones (not supposed to be there) and even my blood pressure was slightly high. All I'm sure, to make me nervous.
The 'doc' (physicians assistant or something, not sure of her exact title...) chatted with me about absolutely nothing for the first few minutes. She didn't have the chart. That of course was ALL I cared about! I mentioned the low numbers, she said since I wasn't on insulin...and they weren't that low (dangerous low), she wasn't worried. I started to discuss my few large numbers...and after we talked about the first large number (I had eaten mexican), she told me to order fajitas and changed subjects.
She told me "We never see numbers this low this late in pregnancies."
We then discussed when my next appointment should be. She asked me how often the OB was seeing me and I told her 2 weeks. (Truthful - right now it is 2 wks!) Then she suggested she see me in a month because my numbers looked so good.
I didn't even have to argue.
Here's the thing...God is a big God. I feel like the Israelites, wandering around constantly questioning God. I have enough examples in my life I really should know better. But I think faith is more about walking the walk versus feeling it. Like so many other things, faith is an action. It is something you DO, whether you feel like it or not. And I walked in there with confidence knowing in my heart that things would be fine...even though my head was filled with other possibilities.
God has made a promise. God doesn't back down on His promises. And He certainly has the power to do it. He has promised me I will go through this pregnancy without having to take insulin. And I'm certain He is going to follow through with hit. A promise is a promise.